Saturday 16 January 2010

Stupidity Is Not A Crime... Just Damn Annoying

It’s a well known fact that the world is mad. Grass is green, sky is blue, all English men are dentally challenged Hugh Grants and yellow snow is not to be eaten – all of these are simple but proven truths.

It seems to me though, that as time drags on we’re all getting more and more stupid. Case in point, in these days conversation in the pub is very dull. “What have you done this past week?”
“Nothing much, tried to look down my secretary’s top for a while, went out and got drunk, pissed myself and then cried myself to sleep”.

Now imagine that same conversation 6000 or so years ago. “Today, I killed a mammoth with my bare hands and invented the wheel, what about you?”
“ Same old really, designed the concept of time and came up with the idea of cooking with fire.”

Fast-forward to the present day and you can hardly breathe for some moronic person doing some moronic thing for some moronic reason or another. Stupid people with stupid clothes, stupid people making stupid sentences, stupid people on stupid phones, stupid people in stupid cars – which leads me to another point; how much safer would the roads not be if a shotgun was mounted in the steering column rather than an airbag?

Just last week I spied on eBay some idiot selling a ticket to see my beloved Lady Gaga at the princely sum of £210 for a single standing ticket, and standing in the queue in an off-licence last month I overhead the following conversation between the person at the till and some air-headed blonde:
“What’s your date of birth?”, “July 15th” “What year?” ,“...Like, every year, duhhh”. I mean really?

The numpties in my hometown are also apparently going into spray-can hyperdrive with the rise of East-LA style graffiti marring pretty much every smooth concrete surface they can get their needle-scarred mitts on. Catch a grip, this country’s about as “gansta” as Ronnie bloody Corbett.

The media these days is awash with tin-foil hat wearing Star Wars nerds who warn us that humankind will one day be destroyed by technology and super-robots (with or without Germanic accents). I, however, am not so sure about this – because with the current state of human intelligence, ingenuity and manufacturing skills it’s pretty much guaranteed that aforementioned killer robot will have broken long before you can say “Hasta la Vista, baby”.

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