Life On Mars - Northern Ireland Style

My name is Ryan. I was on my way to school last week when I had an accident.
I woke up in Ballymena … in 1973.
Am I in a coma, was my drink spiked or am I a time traveller?


Cue Bowie …

In 1973 I was not but a grotty flicker in my father's eye. The world was a different place for the teenager,computers were vast walls of flickering lights which Mr. Spock poked at on Star Trek, mobile phones were non-existant and as for a TV it was a case of 'warming up' the black and white with a crank shaft and a well-placed clout.

And that's if the power was on, cos those were the days when candle sales were at a premium and every self-respecting family kept a primus stove handy in readiness for the next political strike in strife torn Ulster.

However, there was an upside to the technological wasteland in which 1970's Ulster lived. Most kids were fit to run the marathon by the age of 10, they could amuse themselves for more than five minutes in an open field with only a ball, a piece of string and an acorn.

The nearest thing to FIFA 2010 was a cruddy football game which consisted of pushing some misshapen plastic figure's head, enabling him to (allegedly) kick the ball. Literature consisted of totally un-PC periodicals where foreign nationals had their butts kicked by tough talking Brits such as Captain Hurricane, or were plastered with bombs by 'Braddock of Bomber Command'.

"I say," said Braddock, dropping another four tons of high explosive on some nasty Nazis, "that'll teach the Gerries to bomb London!"
"Aaaargh," squealed the Gerries/Japs etc etc. "Englander Pig Dog, Achtung, Donner und Blitzen, Himmel!". Or words to that effect.

Penny chews were actually a penny,pizza was something foreign and therefore 'orrible and fast food was still dominated by the good old fish supper on a Friday night while burgers were just making an appearance and considered the height of sophistication and young love could be found everywhere from the chippy to the schoolground.

Imagine that nowadays - nobody in their right mind would go on a first date to McDonalds (unless perhaps their name happens to be Gary Glitter). This perhaps reflects the fact that nowadays the world is a very different place, and definatley not an altogether better one - a world dominated by celebrity, technology, goverened by a new breed of imbecile with their non-stop rules and regulations.

In the words of DCI Gene Hunt, "It doesn't take a degree in Applied Bollocks to know what's going on". Perhaps though, in this day and age, it does.